Browngirlswhoblog, Child loss, Grief, lifestyle

4 Words

4 words.

“There is no heartbeat. ”

These 4 words, last year, changed the life I had.

As soon as I got to Labor and Delivery, I told the nurse who was checking me in that I hadn’t notice movement from my daughter since this morning. I told her I had a fever of 104 and rising and could not break it. I was shivering, cold, and could barely walk. Without looking up, she handed me a sample cup and sat me in a waiting room for 20 minutes!!! I was 7 months pregnant and I sat there for 20 freaking minutes before they put me in a room to check for a heart beat. She placed the belly monitor around me, adjusted it 5 times and left in a panic. She couldn’t find the heartbeat…but of course she didn’t tell me…I just knew. The next face I would see was a male nurse. He adjusted and adjusted and adjusted the straps….nothing. He left without saying a word. The Dr. Walked in with an ultrasound machine. I could see the imagine of my baby, but no flutter of her heart. The Dr. Looked at me and said, “This is your baby, and this is where her heart beat should be. ” “There is no heartbeat.”

4 words.

It will never be the same again.

I will never be the same again.

#childloss #grief #twoyearsago #grievingbabyLauren #mamaslove #RIH #mood

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