Browngirlswhoblog, Child loss, Grief, lifestyle

It Could Have Been A Watermelon

 

 

 

Pregnancy cravings… When you gotta have it, you just gotta have it right? Well during my pregnancy with Lauren the two things I craved the most were pineapples and watermelon. Now as all of you other mothers know; when we crave something during pregnancy there is no rhyme or reason to it. But in this case I believe my cravings where laying the foundation for a period of healing that I didn’t know was coming. Sharing the loss of Lauren with you guys has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done and even now as I type and read my words I can still feel her; however the hurt of it all is lessened each day by the strength of what she has apparently left with me.

As I sat around my office a few days ago planning for an upcoming pop-up shop I was looking at Aloha Glamour’s logo and the strangest realization hit me. I have been on this really strong pineapple kick as of late. From pineapple shaped cups to pineapple shaped lamps to pineapple jelly, it’s been all I’m attracted to. So much so it feels like a craving all over again. Since I started Aloha Glamour it’s gone through a number of “face lifts” before getting to this point. I think all those transistion points were guiding me and teaching me just what my cravings with her taught me. That there is no rhyme or reason to life. We go through life and we try things, we do things, we experience things. Sometimes they work out and sometimes they don’t. But in each situation there is an opportunity for growth if you’ll open yourself to understanding it.

In this case my understanding of who Lauren could have been to me and this world and just who I am as a mother and woman lives in Aloha Glamour’s pineapple logo. Her little life inside me just wanted pineapples and watermelon. That’s all she knew at that time. So it’s only right that as I carry her spirit with me, she gets to keep her pineapple.

But it’s not lost on me the fact that I could have just as easly gone on a watermelon kick and imagine how odd Aloha Glamour’s logo would look as a watermelon. I think she helped mommy pick the right one. 😉

Alexis Williams

#thegirlintheskirt

5 thoughts on “It Could Have Been A Watermelon”

  1. I am sorry for your loss. I can not imagine what loosing at baby in uterine at 7 months must feel. I suffered 6 miscarriages and I sympathize with you.
    Wishing you the best life possible.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aloha, Thank you very much. The pain from losing a child is undescribable…I am so sorry to hear about your six miscarriages, I know that must be tough as well. I pray that God blesses you ten fold. 🙏🏾

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi,Lexi…As,I call you.I read your postcard and now your blog.I can say,I do know how you felt when you lost your beautiful daughter.I lost my handsome son Joel at 30 weeks.I remember like it was 29 years ago when,the doctors told me my bleeding was due to pre mature labor and I didn’t have time to be flown to a specialty hospital for infant and women.I two laid in a hospital bed for hours with an iv drip to keep me hydrated.Keep in mind my water broke as well.I had went there around 8ish am and didn’t not deliver,yes I had to push my baby boy into this world.He came out and he took one breath and he was rushed off to be worked on.Hours later the doctor,a nurse,a priest and grief counselor came in.I knew when,I saw their faces our baby boy was gone.I screamed with grief “No No No not my baby””I need to see him”.They tried calming me down but,their was no calm in my spirit.I knew God very well and I asked God”If you loved me why didn’t you save my baby”?See,to me even though, I was married,I still lost my baby boy that was a part of me.I laid in my bed and cried and cried until my pillow case was soak and wet with my tears.Then,I became angry because in my mind they were lieing to me my baby boy wasn’t gone.The doctor order a sedative but,I wouldn’t stop crying and screaming that I wanted my baby.So,the next person that entered my room was my father.He walked over and grabbed me and said” Sonya,I need you to listen to me”,I said Daddy please tell them to give me my baby”.My Dad said “Sonya,I need you to do something for me”.As,tears roll down my face crying,I looked up and the nurse had given him my baby boy wrapped up and he needed me to hold him and say good bye.I started crying more and said “I couldn’t do this and why would God allow my baby to die”.My Dad said”God doesn’t make mistakes and you have to trust his purpose for my life and the babies.He handed me the baby and I held him and I told him” I loved him and I was sorry I lost him”Could he one day forgive me”?
    I kissed him and rubbed his tiny little hands and his feet and named him after my husband at that time.
    My Dad prayed for us both and said “He had to take the baby with him”.As,he turned around and walked away, I wheeled so loud “Please Lord help me get through this”. For a year, I was soo depressed and couldn’t stop crying on daily basis.In the mean time I had also a husband that was depressed and need consoling to.Well,one thing lead to another and I ended up pregnant again and each step along the way I was depressed,crying and didn’t understand why would God allow me to get pregnant so close to losing my baby boy.But,he did and with each month approaching,I ended up having to have surgery to sew my cervix up in order to keep him in and bed ridden for 4 and half months in the hospital up until delivery day.I had Baby Joel a brother Kyle Lynn…he was the smitten imagine of his brother Joel. I couldn’t hold him because given birth to Kyle I had complications and that fear came rushing back in.But,this time I heard it’s a boy and he is healthy other than yellow jaundice. Finally I was able to hold him for about two minutes and then they had to rush him off because his breathing and his color didn’t look good. I said”In my head Lord you will break my spirit if,I have to loose another child,I’m not sure I can do this again”. The nurses came back in my room and said he had yellow jaundice and a couple days in the hospital he could go home.You probably thinking I was happy to hear this and my baby boy Kyle is going home.Well,they told me when it was time for me to leave the hospital ,I couldn’t take him home he wasn’t healthy enough to go home .Thats when the tears started and the crying spell wouldn’t stop.They once again had to call my dad and ask him to come and talk to me and explain to me I had to go home.But,I would get my baby in a couple of days.As,I sat home in alot of pain,crying and sleepless nights;the hospital called me after he was there 4 days later saying” I could come get baby Kyle”.I may have been Blessed with another baby boy but, it still doesn’t replace the love,the emptiness, I still felt for baby Joel.I learned latter in life my baby boy life was taken due to LUPUS …and I should have never been able to carry a baby with lupus,a titled cervix and other maternal problems.I’m very thankful that even though, I didn’t understand God’s will at the time. I understood his purpose for me NOW.To tell me testimony to help encourage other women.
    Even,though Baby Joel is not here in the Flesh, I still wish him Happy Birthday Every October 23rd.
    Thanks for sharing Lexi and I pray my story helps you.
    With Love KaSonya.

    Like

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